Lonely Love

As soon as she heard the intercom buzz, she rushed to finish setting everything up, then she quickly ran to the bathroom to check her reflection in the mirror to see if her hair and makeup were still intact. She stood five feet, seven inches tall. Her curvaceous medium weight body was tightly wrapped in a colorful shear body wrap with only a beige brassiere and a pink and purple colored thong underneath.

She opened the medicine cabinet and reached for her glittery Sephora lip gloss. She proceeded to put a light coat of the gloss on her perfect shaped plump lips to give them a radiant shine and a shimmer.

The intercom buzzed again, and as soon as she heard it, she placed the gloss back into the cabinet and made her way to the front room of the apartment where the intercom was situated. She buzzed the downstairs door, then jetted back to the bathroom to take one last glance in the mirror. Just as she stepped foot out of the bathroom, the front doorbell rang. She took a deep breath and slowly released it.

 “Here we go,” she said to herself in a quiet tone as she tiptoed towards the front door. She slipped on her black five-inch stiletto heels, which were positioned a few feet away from the door, right before taking a look through the peephole. It was him. She opened the door.

“Hi,” she said as she gestured for him to enter the apartment.

 “Hey,” he replied in a seemingly nervous manner. She closed the door behind him, and then locked it before leading him towards the back of the apartment to the bedroom closest to the bathroom.

He was much taller than she thought, and he looked even better in person. He stood six feet, two inches tall, and had a medium muscular build. He wore an oversized long-sleeved black Ralph Lauren Polo t-shirt, a pair of baggy blue jeans, black and white Air Jordan sneakers, and a black fitted cap with the letters “LA” in white. She thought him to be sexy and just what she needed for the night. She began to think that he could be a potential boyfriend. She barely knew the guy and she already was falling for him because he turned her on immensely. While she fantasized, she began to get turned on.

“How you doing?” she asked.

“Better now that I’m here,” he responded.

 She giggled then looked up into his eyes and said, “Same here.”

“So what’s up with all that kid stuff out there? This a daycare or something?”

“Yea, this is my moms place. I just stay here for now.”

“She isn’t coming anytime soon, is she?”

“No, she lives in New Jersey.” She smiles.

“Oh okay, good. So you stay here by yourself?”

“Yup, just me, myself, and these four walls,” she said. She instantly thought of why being alone was so important to him. She knew he was a discreet guy, but did he want her there alone for another reason? She thought of where she had placed her pepper spray, just incase of an emergency, then she resumed her engagement.

“Relax, make yourself at home,” she reassured him.

He began to take off his sneakers and blue jeans. He stopped for a second, then reached into his pocket. He pulled out a wad of cash and said, “I almost forgot.” He pulled apart five 20 dollar bills and set them on the dresser top.

“I’ll be right back,” she said before making her way to the room door. She smiled from ear to ear while closing the door behind her, and then stepping next door into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, then proceeded above the toilet to pass the translucent liquid from her body to the commode. Her body tingled a bit and she got a sense of chill that ran through her body. She was ready. She cleaned her genital area with toilet paper, and then washed her hands with antibacterial soap before returning to the bedroom.

At this point he was lying on her bed completely naked. He had the body of Hercules and the dick of a horse. She felt that tingle come over her body again. She glanced at the money on top of the dresser and thought about counting it, but she looked back over at him stroking his member and rejected the thought of the money. She untied her colorful body wrap as he watched it dropped to the floor. His eyes lit up and his member grew larger. She stepped out of the thong while smiling at him and gazing into his eyes. She then unstrapped her bra to reveal her developing perky breasts. He watched the entire scene unfold while grinning slyly and biting his lips.

The scene to follow revealed her sexual talents and raging passion to be loved. The young black sex machine gave himself to her and made her feel like a woman. After 42 minutes, he climaxed and shouted, “Damn baby, that was amazing!” She smiled then got out of the bed to make her way to the bathroom. She spat into the sink, rinsed her mouth out, then hopped into the shower for about five minutes. When she had finished, she returned to the bedroom to find her companion fast asleep. She eased onto the bed and pulled the covers over her naked body. She laid her head on his chest and let out a quiet sigh. She closed her eyes in an attempt to join him in sleep.

She couldn’t sleep. It was silent and the room was dark. With her head still on his chest, she began to think, and as she thought, she began to get emotional. She was lonely inside and she knew that this comfort of a male companion in her bed was only temporary, and that once he was gone, she would be there all alone, in the silent darkness of the apartment. She hoped he would stay the night, so that she wouldn’t have to be alone for another night. She wept hopelessly, and gasped for air from time to time. Her tears ran down his abdomen. He slept too deeply to come to her rescue, and she didn’t want to disturb him. She longed for permanent companionship from a guy like him. From someone who she thought loved her and would accept her for the special girl she was. She was blind to the fact that these men only thought of her as a fantasy, a “try me” product. She thought these men loved her but each time when they would leave her to the emptiness and loneliness of the dark and quiet apartment, she felt that pain of loneliness all over again.

Previously, she had been dealing with lots of things in her life that forced her into a state of depression. She had lost her job three months ago, and she noticed that her family started to treat her differently around the time that her name change was final. Her mom did, however, allow her to remain in the apartment. She thought of the apartment as a prison, a place where she had no choice but to reside under the reign of her authoritative mother who began to treat her worse and worse. She wished that her mother wasn’t too far-gone when she went to inquire about the abortion she was to have with her, but she knew that for some reason she had a purpose to be here. She worked only over night once the daycare was closed for the evening, and she kept her work a secret.

As she cried, she thought of how depressed she was and how badly she missed her family. All she ever wanted was to be loved and respected, but she felt love and sympathy from no one. She was weak and lost. Since her life took a drastic change, she knew she could only depend upon herself to get out of the rut she had fallen into.

She wanted to feel that love and consideration so badly that she often invited men to her bed free of charge, just so she could feel that warm satisfaction of male companionship. The root of her desire not only came from her family’s rejection, but also from the fact that she never had a boyfriend growing up. She spent her early years living life as someone else, which was just a character that she played to prevent herself from dealing with societal bullying. She used to be a he, and the life that she lived was a life of hiding her feelings and pretending to be someone she was not. She was afraid even though some people knew her true agenda. She hated herself because she tried to hide the very person who she was destined to become. She became scared of boys in her teens. She knew it wasn’t right for her to like boys and because she did, she tried to limit her male interaction as much as possible to prevent herself from falling in love or being exposed.

The young client stirred a little bit, which broke her chain of thought. He turned to his side with his back facing her. She knew his mission was accomplished, and she got out of the bed and walked towards the living room. She made her way to the slightly ajar window in the left hand corner of the living room and stared aimlessly into the night.

Moments later, she collapsed to the floor and wept heavily. She was so confused and didn’t want to live the life she was living anymore. She hated having to sleep with men for money, but she loved the companionship of some of her more attractive clients. Many of her clients were weird and dirty, but she knew she had to deal with it if she wanted to have money in her pockets. She always feared being murdered by one of her clients. In the past she tried to look for another job so that she wouldn’t have to continue selling her body but she failed at finding work. Employers could see right through to her soul and turned her away each time. They knew what she was, they knew she wasn’t a “real” woman. She gave up hope and often felt like an outcast, or a lonely waste of life. The only comfort she received from people was from her some of her clients. She was a fool for love, a hopeless romantic, an individual who was lost and lonely in the world. She sought to find love and appreciation from the people in the world, but she knew she had been looking in all the wrong places.

 

357 thoughts on “Lonely Love

  1. Orhan Gokkaya

    I felt distant in the piece, I wish the author told me before hand of someone unexpected, when I continued and read, “He was much taller than she thought, and he looked even better in person “ I felt like they met through the internet. The narrator states, “She barely knew the guy and she already was falling for him because he turned her on immensely “ I wanted some names of the characters and I felt like she falls in love easily. The writer is both frightened of the male yet wants to be intimate with him, especially when the narrator states, “She thought of where she had placed her pepper spray, just in case of an emergency” The female seems to be very experienced, give examples of why she has a pepper spray, has she been doing this for a while now? The female seems to be seeking love instead of just sex for money because occasionally she doesn’t charge the men. When you stated, “that her name change was final” what was the name change to? At the ending I sensed some optimism, “but she knew she had been looking in all the wrong places” Does she have an idea of where to find love? This is the idea of a self conflict, “Man versus self”

    Reply
  2. Kerel Cain

    the details in the beginning are great. the description gives the reader sense of preparation and you begin the piece in the action. the dialogue and the internal thoughts work very well. especially the part about pepper spray. the dialogue lead the reader to believe there was some risk in the scene, so it was nice to see that the protagonist recognized the risk.

    i would like to know more about what led her down this path. depression and unemployment is still a big set to prostitution. you have backs story in your piece but its mainly emotional conflict i would like to know the conflict that led her down this road and made this choice be the only choice to make money.

    You state the loneliness that your character feels but i want to know more about the root of that loneliness. is it strictly personal or is there mores events that led the character to feel this way; more details.

    the part about the abortion is powerful because the reader can infer that the only reason the character has that knowledge is because your mother told her that, which adds to the psychological abuse that you suffered at home; and gives credence to you believing that your home was a prison.

    Reply
  3. Henry Bucket

    I like how descriptive you were in the piece. At the same time, because you start so many sentences with “She” it begins to feel like a list. When you’re describing how lonely she is I felt detached from the whole scene, and I found my self reading faster to get through it. The fact that the main character doesn’t have a name also makes this feel like a hypothetical situation which adds to the feeling of detachment. This feels like a piece that has potential to be really interesting, but I feel like the form that it’s written in limits it. The beginning descriptions, where you describe her getting ready are excellent, but when you get to describing how she feels it starts feeling very two dimensional. It feels like you put more effort into the beginning, or you didn’t really want to share the end, either way the beginning and end of this piece don’t match style wise.

    Reply
  4. Krystal Temple

    Hmm. The first thing I would like to know if which form of writing is this. This seems to be a fictional piece, which doesn’t really fit into the categories we have been writing this semester.

    However, I loved the details you gave in this piece. The imagery worked and added the necessary tension to the piece. However, I’m not sure that this tension was relieved. I wanted to know more, and I wanted more of a resolution. Sure, she came to realize that she was looking in the wrong places, but what did she do? What suddenly made her change her actions – if she did? Also I did feel like you continuously repeated the word she… I understand you wanted to illustrate your character and reveal her mind to the reader- however I’m not sure if this was the best technique because it takes away from the narrative voice. Also you were so descriptive in the beginning, and the piece seems to focus around her loneliness and her “compensation” of this loneliness with sex – but then you totally omit the sex scene by giving the details of before and after. I wanted to picture the entire 42 minutes! (you know for um educational reasons lol)
    But seriously, I wanted you to develop this piece a little more. There were things that didn’t make sense to me that might have made sense if you added a little more – like possibly a backstory. Like why did she feel a connection with these men and why was she looking for a man in prostitution…
    Overal though I think you have the basis for a great fictional piece that I would love to read, with the sex scene included of course 🙂

    Reply
  5. Nadya Antoine

    WOW. THis piece is really good. The third-person perspective is what strengthens its storyline. It quite fondly came through the page like a movie with narration, which is hard to do in writing so great job. I also–as I did your last piece– enjoyed your vocabulary. It’s colorful and rich and really quite helps the scene.

    I was a little confused on this line, “when she went to inquire about the abortion she was to have with her” Is the mom pregnant? Or is the protagonist (for lack of a better word) a child who was the seed a woman who changed her mind?

    Maybe this is unnecessary but I’d love to hear about the sexy chocolate lover in her bed. Did he stay the night? Does she see him again? STRETCH –> Are they now together???
    You probably left these details out purposely but because the piece took on almost the role of a movie, I’m still wondering.

    But overall , Great piece.

    Reply
  6. Alicia Camano

    Lonely love-
    The structure of the piece separates the different scenes of the piece. I enjoyed the voice of the writer as a she. I like the details added in the piece, I enjoyed the pieces that are different. I was able to create imagery with the details and picture the scenes. The piece was very entertaining to me.
    I enjoyed the piece a lot.
    Stating the sexual identity of the character would be beneficial so the reader wont be lost when that information was revealed at the end.
    other than that I enjoyed reading the piece, I enjoyed reading the piece I wanted to read more about the scene with the man. I felt that the scene was rushed, I would like to know more details on that scene. Good job.

    Reply
  7. Gabriela

    I really enjoyed reading your piece. It was very vivid in its detail and characterization of the “she” in this story which we are led to believe is actually you who is written about. That was very clever of you to stylize your piece in such a way because it portrayed the vulnerability of the character without having to bear the association. In other words, you could easily express your feelings and emotions without feeling like you will be judged because the character is anonymous. I also liked that your piece allowed the reader to visualize very well everything that was happening in the story, yet still leaving it vague enough during the sex scene, perhaps to leave it up to interpretation for the reader. “The scene to follow revealed her sexual talents and raging passion to be loved. ” This vagueness is what I’m talking about, it’s descriptive enough but still teased the reader to imagine what her sexual talents were like therefore striking curiousity in the reader. At least that’s what happened in my case.

    I would expand on the events that caused you to have to resort to prostitution. What happened prior that led to this? What’s written is definitely telling of what was happening in your life but how this happened is what I’m also curious about. I feel like this piece is a good portal for you to get to the root of the piece which could be focused more on the events leading to this. Really cool piece overall.

    Reply
  8. Amilka Lopez

    I really enjoyed reading this piece. This piece was very interesting. I really like your opening paragraph ” to check her reflection in the mirror to see if her hair and makeup were still intact. She stood five feet, seven inches tall. Her curvaceous medium weight body was tightly wrapped in a colorful shear body wrap with only a beige brassiere and a pink and purple colored thong underneath.” Because it provided the reader with vivid imagery.
    ” She thought these men loved her but each time when they would leave her to the emptiness and loneliness of the dark and quiet apartment, she felt that pain of loneliness all over again.” Throughout the piece you say that your lonely, I would like to know why do you feel this way? Why do you think you are lonely?
    Also when you said “Moments later, she collapsed to the floor and wept heavily. She was so confused and didn’t want to live the life she was living anymore.” I would like to know what made you choose prostitution in the first place? Overall great piece.

    Reply
  9. Vanessa

    The flattering adjectives the narrator uses for or regarding the

    main character are unusual and, at the same time, telling, e.g.

    curvaceous medium weight body, perfect shaped plump lips,

    radiant shine. The level of such details also gives off an

    impression that this piece might be fiction because they read

    as less realistic to the reader; assuming this to be nonfiction,

    and believably so, the main character is thought of as a

    fantasy or a doll, which has a dissociating effect in this piece.

    This is something the writer needs to be aware of in order to

    use it to her full advantage. You might want to do this by

    addressing it after the scene and during reflection. This is if

    you choose to leave the scene as it is and bring in stronger introspection later.
    However, if you choose to change the scene by adding more

    lines of introspection/reflection, the word choice might also

    need to be revised. Consequently, the dissociating effect

    would be disrupted and possibly dissolved.
    As of now, the focus seems to be on the event, but it being a memoir, we need more of the author’s experience coming out of it. (Also, a memoir should be written in first person.)
    Ultimately, this was a powerful story; the strong sense of emotional-internal pain she was suffering was able to pierce me to the core. Nicely done.
    About love, I think 1 Corinthians 13 has a beautiful definition of it: “If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
    Keep looking forward to better days, never give up hope, and keep writing. Great piece!

    Reply
  10. Daniel Song

    Wow, this piece really drew me in.

    I believe this is the truth, even if it isn’t, because there is something real here, and I think that is the depth of emotion. Lonely love is such an apt title for this piece because that emotion is so powerfully present here. I think that this piece should be published in a magazine, so people could see what it’s like from someone else’s perspective. The beauty of writing and art is the ability to touch others, to open their minds to new insights and make them take a look at themselves. Make us take a look at ourselves. Beautifully done.

    “Try me” product is a very good line, but talking about washing your “genital area” isn’t correct somehow. Is it a vagina? Is it a penis? Both? Say it. Or say “washes her privates” even. Or “washes herself.” You’re not really holding out on us too much so don’t start here. The reveal is where the magic is. I want to see you write a book about this stuff with passages just like this entire piece. Aside from a few edits, you’re almost there.

    Our pain is what produces our inspiration I believe.

    You go gurl!

    Reply
  11. Diali Montalvo

    I loved this piece. The scene was perfectly set up in the beginning and I automatically was able to visualize what was taking place. I liked how descriptive you were in the moments leading up to the intimate act and then a nice transition is made into what the character is dealing with internally. I would’ve liked if the author included a scene of how the character acted when to man woke up and how they interacted. Although the author speaks of the how she was lonely and an outcast before she made her transition, still deals with that loneliness internally though she should be at peace with who she is now. This seems like a short excerpt from a novel and the author leaves the reader wanting more; hoping for a happy ending for this character. It shows you put a lot of thought into “lonely love”. Great piece.

    Reply
  12. David Castro

    yoo that was illll

    probably my favorite piece of the semester good job, i really dont have much critcism here, i was pretty much hooked from beginning to end.

    one thing i might add which isn’t much of a criticism is that this isnt really prose, it comes off as creative writing piece however i like the beginning you set the scene so great.

    keep on writing.

    Reply
  13. Ruket Negasi

    I think this is yet another powerful piece written by the author. However I couldn’t help but to go back to the first essay the author wrote and connect the two. I feel like this is a sequence of the first essay but the second one seem to go more in depth of loneliness. A suggestion to improve this piece would be to include an interaction with the mother. The mother is mentioned in the first piece and slightly in this piece.

    Reply
  14. Sergio Narine

    I enjoyed the character development of each character by the use of dialogue. For example, the line that says, “Better now that I’m here” really illustrates the client’s vernacular, personality, and social status for the reader. Also I really like the use of the word “member” in place of the sexual organ. I appreciate the line “She thought of the apartment as a prison, a place where she had no choice but to reside under the reign of her authoritative mother who began to treat her worse and worse…” because it symbolizes the main character’s physical prison; and also the prison that society places those who do not conform to the dominant discourse of sexuality. However, I think that if you changed the mother figure to a father figure it would be a stronger symbolism.

    I would suggest that the piece begin with the dialogue between the two character’s because I felt that the paragraphs before this moment delays the reader from the core of the story because these three lines “’How you doing?…Better now that I’m here…Same here’” explains the title and theme. In order to fix the gender confusion in the beginning, I would advise the reader to name the character’s, and rework this line “She was blind to the fact that these men only thought of her as a fantasy, a ‘try me’ product” to further convey to the reader that the main character was a transgender individual. I think if the writer stopped telling the reader what happens to the main character and show the reader the scene instead would help the conclusion of the piece. For instance, you could write something like this for the last paragraph: “After she had cried, she ran to the bathroom to take a shower and put on some make-up to appear flawless to her client. Then, he replied, “Damn girl! You even look beautiful in the morning.”

    Reply
  15. Joan Infante

    This was a very nice piece. I loved how it was done in the third person and top like the typical first person perspective. The creative non-fiction is top notch that it may be debatable if this actually happened. If one were to read the authors previous work, then it would feel more plausible. But this story on its own may feel a little bit unrealistic because this is a situation in which people aren’t used to hearing or reading about.

    Reply
  16. Suresh Ramdhanie

    The scene you wrote is very detailed, it allowed the reader to picture what the apartment, the client and the prostitute looked like. Details like the pink and purple thong, the man being hung like a horse and the kiddie stuff laying around the room all fill the reader in on how to picture the people and this area.
    You have a skill in writing about loneliness. In this and in your other piece, the prevailing theme was loneliness and details like the woman here getting nervous about meeting this guy, staring off into the night sky and collapsing to the floor in tears work well to establish this.
    I also like the added detail about the family’s reaction to the son becoming a transwoman.
    Overall, great piece.

    Reply
  17. Julianne Reynoso

    At first i wasn’t sure what to make of this story because honestly I hadn’t read your first piece. After I did, I was able to appreciate the technique you used. Making it sound like a fictional piece is a great way of distancing yourself from the reality, though I can’t say for certain that was your goal. There were parts that could be revised to not be so wordy,” ”Hey,” he replied in a seemingly nervous manner.”– “Hey,” he replied nervously” would be fine as well. Overall, interesting story.

    Reply
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