\u201cHere we go.\u201d I let out a subtle sigh. As I look at the text that he just sent me I realize how inevitable one more fight is if I choose to reply. We miscommunicate often\u00a0these days so I decide to wait for him here to speak in person. At our spot. Cheesy yes, but this has been our common ground since we were eight when our biggest problem with each other was trading fake Pok\u00e9mon cards. I place my phone beside me on the green bench and I can\u2019t help but realize how different this time is. He and I were so happy once. Recently I read a book called \u201cThis is How You Lose Her\u201d where in the epigraph; Junot Diaz includes a quote by Sandra Cisneros that states<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, we didn\u2019t work, and all<\/p>\n
memories to tell you the truth aren\u2019t good.<\/p>\n
But sometimes there were good times.<\/p>\n
Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep<\/p>\n
beside me and never dreamed afraid.<\/p>\n
There should be stars for great wars<\/p>\n
like ours.\u201d<\/p>\n
I find those words imprinted in my mind when I consider where we\u2019ve been and how we\u2019ve reached this limbo we find ourselves in now.<\/p>\n
But this time I don\u2019t feel that pressure in my gut, the one that radiates up into your throat and back down; putting so much force on your stomach your feel the need to poop. The one you feel when something overwhelming or disastrous happens. The one every melodramatic teenage girl feels every two point five seconds. I feel an eerie sense of peace. I don\u2019t feel the need to listen to \u201cthe playlist\u201d, the one with fifty-three songs I collected over the years in memory of him. With the lyrics that allow my mind to be free and speak my thoughts for me. I tune out for a second then I\u2019m brought back to my surroundings by the Killers \u201cAll These Things That I\u2019ve Done\u201d. Fuck I remember how much you loved that song- stupid shuffle. The blaring fades as I take off the beats you brought me. The ones I was originally too ashamed to wear outside because they looked enormous on my already extra-large head.<\/p>\n
I look around as the breeze intensifies. The pond in front of me has a bright green layer of pollen on top of it. The leaves on the trees are shades of greens, reds and yellows foretelling the change of seasons is about to commence. There\u2019s an overcast and I begin to pray the rain is delayed an hour or so. The weather is so fitting for today.<\/p>\n
I see him enter the 106th street entrance of Central Park. When I\u2019m finally able to focus on him I take a good look at his face. He\u2019s lost the innocence that once filled his cheeks. I\u2019m taken back to the first day we decided to try the whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing, a union set up by my half-sisters who at the time were convinced we were made for each other. I recall him wearing a Minnesota Timberwolves fitted with a matching cobalt t-shirt three times his size. He\u2019s wearing khakis now, with a white button downed shirt and dress shoes and I can\u2019t help but appreciate that age is becoming of him. His face suddenly changes when his eyes meet mine and scenes from our adolescents leave me. He sits beside me and stares at the pond I observed moments before he came. His small talk is stiff and I quickly zone out to the summer we spent together. After spending the whole night on the phone he\u2019d make the three block trip to my apartment from his grandmothers and we\u2019d cook breakfast. At fourteen we had planned out our whole lives. Where we would buy our first home and what we would name our children. Until today it seemed like we had shared a lifetime together knowing each other better than we\u2019d ever admit.<\/p>\n
He grabs my hand but my reflex breaks his grasp on me. I can\u2019t let him find any opening to the comfort and security the years of familiarity have allowed us to share. He mentions how long I\u2019ve been with my boyfriend and I take it as a gesture of reconciliation to his adversary. My silence offers my position in return. It is then that he discloses how he is ready to propose to his girlfriend. I smile sweetly as I absorb all I have ever admired about him. The sadness of faded memories between him and I diminish and somehow or another I escape the obscurity of all that is him. The fog of his affection and warmth leaves my mind I\u2019m left with so much clarity despite feeling like\u00a0I\u2019ve shared a lifetime with him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cHere we go.\u201d I let out a subtle sigh. As I look at the text that he just sent me I realize how inevitable one more fight is if I choose to reply. We miscommunicate often\u00a0these days so I decide to wait for him here to speak in person. At our spot. Cheesy yes, but […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-739","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fall13"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/739","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/39"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=739"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/739\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":740,"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/739\/revisions\/740"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=739"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=739"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.meadmedia.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=739"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}