Leave of Absence

259 Replies

I’m back. The guy with the boner; the man who can’t tell one head from the other sometimes. Okay I can, but why bother sometimes?

 

I got my new meds, and boy do they keep me down for the count. I suppose the opposite of anxiety is restfulness. Can’t even remember what I dream about.

 

Do I feel like going to class today? No.

 

Should I go? Maybe. I love the class. I love the discussions, but this past week and a half has been a drag like you wouldn’t believe, and I cannot properly express experiencing pain without pain; that I do not feel well at all in a particular way.

 

It is my belief that we as human beings have two types of energy. One is mental, and the other is physical. Each one influences the other. Ever hear the phrase “Get your mind in gear and your ass will follow?” That’s using your mental energy to influence the body, and I think you can do the same with the body (influencing the mind). Studies show forcing a smile changes hormonal levels and produces a more positive outlook. Exercise has tons of benefits for instance in positive thinking as well.

 

Sometimes we reach a point, when this energy is depleted, and that manifests in multiple ways, such as a nervous breakdown or just collapsing for a day. Mine was the latter. When you’ve hit this point, you don’t feel well at all, and if you do, you’re lying to yourself. Sometimes, we have to take a day for ourselves. I believe for this reason religions came up with the Sabbath. Back in simpler times it was easier to manipulate people, or so I think, so if a deity everyone is told to believe in says something, then they’d better do it or else they’ll go to hell; take a nap kids.

 

Speaking of hell, being drained is more of a temporary Purgatory we go to. Your body feels somewhere between a pile of rocks and what I imagine it would feel like to have every inside except bones. Your mind is aware; you’d kind of like to get up and do something and know that you probably should, yet a wiser part of you kicks in and says “you need this day.”

 

For me, this day kind of turned into a few days. I missed classes and probably fell behind, but held up other obligations. Ironically, it was also a chance to catch up on school work. What’s the point of going anywhere when you’re half dead? What good are you? Plus with everyone around me getting sick, I wanted to make sure I didn’t follow suit. I didn’t want to show up with purple pokadots all over my face while wheezing at every step and say “Hey everybody” then keel over.

 

Fuck it. I know the consequences and part of being an adult is living with consequences, even if they will be bad. You can’t prevent everything; you’re not superman, and boy does that fact make me angry, because it feels like some days, I need to be. It’s unjust I tell you.

 

The thing about being human is we have all kinds of kryptonites; sex, power, drugs, etc.  You name it, and it can be a weakness for us. Fighting these temptations and beating ourselves up after we give in, takes energy from us. We will falter eventually, unless you’re that one guy who can run four 48 hours straight because his body has less lactic acid in it when he runs then when he’s not running. Ridiculous, but then again, even he’s got to take a break. Still, I’m jealous, aren’t you?

 

What makes things worse, is all the things that fucked us up along the way to becoming adults. Our eating disorders, self-esteem, anxiety, all of it; it’s enough to make me believe in God just to hate him. These things are the permanent drains. Sure, we develop coping mechanisms to deal with them, almost like our psyches are involved in the whole conservation of energy thing; we reduce the energy required to maintain these issues. The irony here though, is that it takes a ton of energy to grow out of them, and just to admit we have them in the first place. I can’t blame addicts really. I’m still mad when they abandon or mistreat their children because they’re just perpetuating a really sick cycle, but when they’re doing it to themselves, I kind of understand. It’s like when I’m biting my nails or something. These things just take more and more energy from us.

 

Why do I bring up the topic of energy? Well, the lack of it is my reason for being out obviously, but there’s more to it than that. See, this whole conversation was just an excuse for me to vent. I’ve been cooking, cleaning, sorting, organizing, for days in a row, while having to help someone build a costume or else deal with them being really pissed at me. Furthermore I have school, work, and then dealing with an old man, my friend’s father who is selfish and senile. If it wasn’t for the meds, which are not sleep pills, I may not have caught up on sleep at all. See, I would be happy to help my friend despite the way they’ve been “asking,” but the way they ask comes from their own desperation; they NEED this costume for the convention because it means something to them. It’s going to restore some energy to them. I get it, but don’t wait to the last fucking minute to build it and to ask for people to help. I’m not a tool to be used at their whim… Fuck it, I have to talk to them about this; just another thing to take up energy, and thus, the cycle of life continues.

259 thoughts on “Leave of Absence”

  2. David Castro

    very enjoyable, for a essay really about nothing, which i don’t mean offensively.

    great insight in your piece,

    “I’m back. The guy with the boner; the man who can’t tell one head from the other sometimes. Okay I can, but why bother sometimes?”
    great line, great beginning

    read smoothly and kept me entertained through out

    Reply ↓
  3. Li Huang

    Uh… You have no idea how much fucking energy it takes for me to arrive on time for this class. I feel you bro. I hate this system just as much as you do, if not even more. Get a Red Bull and Bull Shit. That’s how you get by sometimes.

    Reply ↓
  4. fármacos

    Por lo general, entre más joven sea el hombre, más propenso será a la recuperación de su capacidad de erección total después de la cirugía. Guarde a temperatura ambiente lejos de la humedad y calor.

    Reply ↓
  6. Guillermo

    This is really attention-grabbing, You are an excessively skilled blogger.

    I’ve joined your rss feed and sit up for in quest of more of your wonderful post.
    Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks

    Reply ↓
  8. Terrance

    You made some really good points there. I checked on the internet to
    learn more about the issue and found most individuals will go along
    with your views on this web site.

    Reply ↓
  9. Dwain

    Ahaa, its nice discussion about this piece of writing here at this blog,
    I have read all that, so at this time me also commenting at this place.

    Reply ↓
  12. Lawanna

    Nice weblog right here! Also your website
    a lot up very fast! What host are you the usage of? Can I get your affiliate link
    for your host? I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

    Reply ↓
  14. Lily

    First off I want to say great blog! I had a quick question that I’d
    like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear
    your mind prior to writing. I have had difficulty clearing
    my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally wasted just trying to figure
    out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints? Many thanks!

    Reply ↓
  16. Gretta

    Wow! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely
    different subject but it has pretty much the
    same page layout and design. Superb choice of colors!

    Reply ↓
  17. Willis

    I don’t know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering problems with your site.
    It appears like some of the text in your content are running off the screen. Can someone else
    please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well?

    This could be a problem with my web browser because I’ve had this
    happen previously. Thank you

    Reply ↓
  21. Damion

    Hello there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok.
    I’m undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

    Reply ↓
  22. Ashlee

    Do you have a spam problem on this website; I also am a blogger, and
    I was wondering your situation; many of us have created some nice practices and we
    are looking to exchange methods with others, be sure to shoot me an email if interested.

    Reply ↓
  23. Theodore

    Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful &
    it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something back and help others like you helped me.

    Reply ↓
  24. Sol

    Hello there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic.
    Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My
    weblog looks weird when browsing from my iphone4. I’m trying to find a theme or
    plugin that might be able to resolve this
    issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. Appreciate it!

    Reply ↓
  25. Collette

    I like the valuable info you provide in your articles.
    I will bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently.

    I am quite certain I will learn many new stuff right here!
    Good luck for the next!

    Reply ↓
  26. Candida

    Asking questions are in fact fastidious thing if you are not understanding something totally, however this article presents fastidious understanding yet.

    Reply ↓
  27. Warren

    Hi there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re
    using? I’m planning to start my own blog in the
    near future but I’m having a tough time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs
    and I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to ask!

    Reply ↓
  28. Bethany

    Hi! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to
    check it out. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Great blog and great style and design.

    Reply ↓
  29. Leonel

    Simply desire to say your article is as amazing.
    The clearness in your post is just spectacular and
    i could assume you’re a professional on this subject.
    Fine with your permission allow me to grasp your feed
    to keep up to date with impending post. Thanks 1,000,000
    and please keep up the gratifying work.

    Reply ↓
  31. check

    Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article! It’s the little changes which will make the most important changes. Many thanks for sharing!|

    Reply ↓
  155. Криптобиржи в России

    Хотите узнать, какие криптобиржи будут самыми надежными в 2025 году? Мы подготовили для вас подробный обзор топ-10 платформ, которые заслуживают вашего внимания! Узнайте, где лучше торговать, хранить и приумножать свои активы. Читайте статью и выбирайте биржу, которая подходит именно вам!
    Биржи с высокой ликвидностью 2025

    Reply ↓
  219. https://aviatorstar.ru

    Авиамастер — захватывающая краш-игра,
    где вы берете на себя роль пилота и управляете разными самолетами игра aviamasters [https://aviatorstar.ru].
    Ваша задача — выполнять миссии, участвовать в гонках и развивать свои навыки.

    Reply ↓
  220. bokep pns

    Hey, I think your website might be having browser compatibility
    issues. When I look at your blog in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that,
    terrific blog!

    Reply ↓
  221. функции

    Почему пользователи выбирают площадку KRAKEN?

    Маркетплейс KRAKEN заслужил доверие многочисленной аудитории
    благодаря сочетанию ключевых факторов.
    Во-первых, это широкий и разнообразный ассортимент, представленный сотнями продавцов.
    Во-вторых, интуитивно понятный интерфейс KRAKEN, который упрощает навигацию, поиск товаров и управление
    заказами даже для новых пользователей.
    В-третьих, продуманная система
    безопасных транзакций, включающая
    механизмы разрешения споров (диспутов) и возможность использования условного депонирования, что минимизирует риски для
    обеих сторон сделки. На KRAKEN функциональность сочетается с внимательным отношением к безопасности клиентов, что делает процесс покупок более предсказуемым, защищенным и, как следствие, популярным среди пользователей, ценящих анонимность
    и надежность.

    Reply ↓
  224. bingo-player.com

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this site.
    I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts by you in the future as well.
    In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own website now ;
    )

    Reply ↓
  226. Как найти ссылку на кракен - Эффективные методы как найти ссылку на кракен в 2026 году

    Почему пользователи выбирают площадку KRAKEN?

    Маркетплейс KRAKEN заслужил доверие
    многочисленной аудитории благодаря сочетанию ключевых факторов.
    Во-первых, это широкий и разнообразный
    ассортимент, представленный сотнями
    продавцов. Во-вторых, интуитивно понятный интерфейс KRAKEN,
    который упрощает навигацию, поиск товаров и
    управление заказами даже для новых пользователей.
    В-третьих, продуманная система безопасных транзакций, включающая механизмы разрешения споров (диспутов) и возможность использования условного депонирования, что минимизирует риски для
    обеих сторон сделки. На KRAKEN функциональность сочетается с внимательным отношением к безопасности клиентов, что делает процесс покупок более предсказуемым,
    защищенным и, как следствие, популярным среди пользователей, ценящих анонимность и надежность.

    Reply ↓
  229. DARK WEB

    Wow! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a
    completely different topic but it has pretty much the same page layout and
    design. Superb choice of colors!

    Reply ↓
  231. Sunwin

    Having read this I thought it was extremely enlightening.
    I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this content together.
    I once again find myself personally spending a significant amount of
    time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

    Reply ↓
  232. nhà cái sunwin

    You could definitely see your expertise within the work you write.
    The sector hopes for even more passionate writers such as you who
    are not afraid to say how they believe. All the time
    follow your heart.

    Reply ↓
  234. nv1 casino pl

    I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious what all is required to get set
    up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
    I’m not very web smart so I’m not 100% positive.
    Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Thanks

    Reply ↓
  235. sunwin

    Your style is really unique in comparison to other people I’ve read stuff from.

    Thanks for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess
    I will just bookmark this blog.

    Reply ↓
  236. Sunwin

    I do not even understand how I ended up here, however I believed this post
    was great. I do not realize who you’re however definitely you’re going
    to a famous blogger should you aren’t already.

    Cheers!

    Reply ↓
  240. Porsche workshop near me

    It is perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to
    be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few
    interesting things or advice. Perhaps you could write next
    articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

    Reply ↓
  241. gold bar price malaysia

    Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google,
    and found that it is truly informative. I’m
    gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future.
    Numerous people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

    Reply ↓
  247. bigg boss 10 telugu voting

    Hey there outstanding website! Does running a blog such as this require a lot of work?

    I have absolutely no expertise in programming however I was hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyhow, should you have any ideas or tips for new blog
    owners please share. I know this is off subject nevertheless I just wanted to ask.
    Kudos!

    Reply ↓
  255. Centuria Academy

    Pretty portion of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to say that I acquire actually enjoyed account your weblog posts.

    Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I fulfillment you get admission to constantly quickly.

    Reply ↓

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *