When you’re young

Diali Montalvo

The concept of fear does not resonate as an adolescent because we are not fully aware of what it is to lose something. When you’re young, like many can relate, you lack a sense of appreciation not because you weren’t taught too but rather you have not had a chance to experience it. It is instilled in us that youth is priceless and to enjoy it while we can before becoming one of the envious adults who offers this advice.

Finishing high school, my friends and I were overwhelmingly excited to begin what would be the most thrilling years of our lives otherwise known as college. For the summer of 2009, we’d spent almost every weekend over each other’s houses dancing and drinking Devil’s Springs because at 18 with no jobs, no form of income and no appreciation of our livers, it was the cheapest, most appropriate way of ensuring a good time. When we weren’t at someone’s house we were in my friend Greg’s van, which would become known as the “bang bus”. I’m sure my guy friends came up with that name for some unseemly, immature boy reason but nobody bothered to ask. We would park somewhere and blast music, sit around discussing how fun the dorm experience would be, who would gain the freshman 15 and the many experiences we’d face naively thinking none would come with consequences. Many of us being the first generation of kids to go off to college were praised for our academic achievements thus far and were sent with blessings to embark on the next chapter of our lives. We were ready to leave behind the traditional values our parents instilled in us and be free of limitations like curfew and chores.

Some of my friends had decided to go to Syracuse while others felt Stony Brook was right for them. My best friend at the time and a couple of others decided on Albany and then there were a few who thought staying in the city would be the better college experience. Then there was me, who decided that going all the way to Morrisville State College was the best chance of actually being liberated and free to enjoy the best years of my youth. I had no reservations about leaving my comfort zone and didn’t hesitate to leave my love ones behind. I was enthusiastic about getting an opportunity to be in an unfamiliar environment and meet individuals from various walks of life.

I had not thought of how all the factors of being far from home would affect me especially finding myself on a campus in a small town that consisted of mainly hills, horses, and massive amount of fog. I found myself sharing a dorm with a roommate who had an uncanny way of sharing all her intimate secrets with me and seem to be completely unaware of how she always overstepped my personal space. At first I wasn’t social but eventually I found people from back home that I could relate too and because they enjoyed certain recreational activities that came “highly” recommended, I found myself with a new hobby. My classes were pretty interesting but didn’t pose as a factor to my fun time although the work load was quite different from what I was use to in high school.

Every now and then I would venture off to my friends campuses and noticed how much they were beginning to change. Natalie had developed a high tolerance for drinking and Nate became the campus pharmacist. It was odd to see how different my friends were around these unfamiliar social circles made up of people who came to college to pursue the same experience we wanted. More often than I could afford, I would make the six hour bus trip back home for that comfort Morrisville lacked. Being away, I had developed a fascination with piercings and because there wasn’t much more to do when I didn’t have class, I would find myself at the tattoo parlor with my friend Jen Bunny getting piercings we’d find on Google during our hour long lecture of child psychology. Each trip home, my mother’s reaction to my ways of expressing myself went from anger to sadness but I’d comfort her by reassuring her nothing was permanent. When my friends were home we’d all meet up to talk about our diverse encounters away trying to one up each other on how much better our schools were. Despite being in different places there was something gratifying about still being as close as were even though we’d each had chosen different directions.

After finishing finals week I returned to the city to begin summer break. My parents were highly displeased with me being on academic probation and were concerned with my seriousness for my studies or lack of. Truth was my worries on my actual school work were limited and in fact the entire year I didn’t think to include my academics in my experience away as a priority. I didn’t consider the amount of money my parents had taken in loans so I, unlike many, could have the privilege of furthering my education. Looking back I’d like to think I was never that selfish but unfortunately my main concern then was searching for a dress and pair of shoes for my friends’ birthday.

The twins Maria and Mel were celebrating their 19th birthday at what was once a church known for its unholy events. All my friends were going aside from Greg, who had been celebrating his cousin’s high school graduation from earlier that day. At 12:00 a.m. on June 26th, we sang happy birthday to the twins and enjoyed the rest of their party for the next couple of hours. We returned to Erick’s house to converse about all the fun we had and how we planned on meeting that night to continue the celebration for completing our first year as college students. As the sun came up, my friend Carlos and I shared a cab and talked about where we wanted to go later on that day after resting. I reminded him to invite Greg and when I finally reached home I made a point to silent my phone so I can rest peacefully.

Two hours later I woke up for no apparent reason and like most teenagers, I looked at my phone. I stared at the screen confused as to why everyone I had been with a few hours ago had called me numerous times. My first call was to Natalie and like many conversations I had had with her before she prepared me for what was to come as if everything she always had to inform me of was an epic climax of some sort of suspenseful movie. I assumed it was some juicy gossip, something she witnessed at the party. She stated “Greg was in an accident”, then rephrased her statement too “Greg and his cousin passed away”.

I remember going deaf, not being able to hear my dad watering the plants through my window or my dog barking outside my door like he usually does when his water bowl is empty. Sounds that were so clear moments before suddenly faded out and all I could hear was the thump of my heart blocking out Natalie’s voice. After washing my face and getting dressed, I waited for Carlos to meet me on my block so we can go meet our other friends. Before making the trip uptown we held each other and cried. When we met with the others we walked the Greg’s parents’ house where we went inside to offer our condolences. In the living room were Greg’s mother and aunt, both sisters who had lost their sons, sobbing. Over the next few hours I endured the most sadness I had ever experience and began to only imagine what his family had been going through. When the funeral came I looked around to see several young adults mourn the loss of our friends and discuss memorable moments and what Greg and his cousin meant to them.

The passing of Greg and his cousin impacted many in multiple ways, myself included and for the first time I knew what fear was. I became fearful of the not appreciating my youth, not because of aging but not being blessed to age. I became fearful of not being appreciative of the opportunities that I had thus far but from this new found fear I did learn appreciation. I suddenly realized that although I made a point to have fun an enjoy myself I didn’t understand the concept of appreciation and how quickly a moment can pass or be taken away. I began to assess the past year’s events all that I hadn’t cherish. I was remorseful for not showing my gratitude for my parents. All the sacrifices they had ever made for me and not taking the most important part of college, my education, seriously. Ultimately, I realized how I could have made more of that year though it took such an unfortunate loss to make that evident. I found myself wondering about all those adults who up until then, I considered envious. Perhaps part of their advisements is because it wasn’t until later on in life they discovered the value of appreciation. Maybe they simply offer their kind words of wisdom so someone like myself, wouldn’t have to regret not appreciating all aspects of being young and not making the most out it.

704 thoughts on “When you’re young

  1. Daniel Song

    I really like the way the story picks up towards the end, about the death of your friend, Greg. I want to know more about him, and have him endeared to me as the reader. You want to express how you didn’t take things seriously and how selfish you were, and I feel like this is the central moment in your story. Tell me about how everything you didn’t appreciate comes to light after this moment, and tell me about all the shallow details of your life before this moment. Mislead me; tell me the story as if it were some stupid shallow teen movie, then bring it to a grinding halt with the death of Greg. Introduce him earlier as you knew him before he passed. I think this story has a lot of potential and I am sorry for your loss. You can turn that moment into something beautiful here and in my own way I can relate to you about realizing that you need to change.

    Reply
    1. Amilka Lopez

      I really enjoyed reading your story. In some parts I got a bit confused. In the beginning, when I started reading I thought you were going to describe your journey to City College but that was just till about half of the story when you began talking about your friends. Like i said before I really enjoyed reading this piece but one thing that I would suggest is maybe giving us the reader a little more insight of how Greg and your relationship was. I am so sorry for your loss.

      Reply
      1. Li Huang

        Our college/late teen years might not be exactly coined as “the days of our lives.” Our pre-adolescent years tend to be our most precious ones. Yet you incorporate through implication early in your work that our late teens/early twenties are still a lively part of our childhood fantasy. This turns out for the better of your piece. The conclusion of the story where your friend Greg tragically passes away might be a symbolism for the rude awakening of childhood into the vacuum of adulthood without the transitional phase of adolescence even though you were in it while the entire story played out. It’s like taking out frozen crab or shrimp from the freezer and just dumping it into the boiling pot. We’d all like to witness simultaneity from time to time. Unfortunately for you, Diali this instantaneous transition neither fizzled nor frothed, but overflowed with sour broth. The antagonist from “The Crow” said in the movie that “Childhood’s over the moment you know you’re gonna die.” Though Greg I don’t think was a bad person, I hope he had no fear or doom instilled in him and had nothing but fun until his very last moments.

        Reply
    2. Suresh Ramdhanie

      I really like Daniel’s idea to mislead the readers. Like everyone else, I expected this story to be about a fresh out of high school freshmen entering college and learning something good or bad about college life, partying, etc- you know, the typical adolescent rushing into adulthood too fast type of shindig; but the ark of the story being the death of one of your friends was completely unexpected; and as Danial said, the narrative should really grind to a halt after that.
      Maybe to empathize that shift, the mood of the story could be more celebratory and carefree in the beginning, delude the reader that nothing bad is going to happen, that you and your friends have life all figured out, and keep the narrative optimistic (just like how I imagine you were during your freshmen year) and then, when did news of Greg’s death hits; the whole mood of the story could change, just like how your whole perspective changed in real life. To help with this, I would take out the dread and solemn opening and replace it with an opening doesn’t foreshadow tragedy is about to happen as much.

      Reply
  2. Gabriela Bayona

    It takes a lot to talk about painful events in someone’s life Diali, so I think it was very courageous of you to write about the death of your friends in this piece. I could relate with many things in your prose, such as the college experience and feeling remorse about not appreciating our parents for all they do for us. I feel that’s important in non-fiction writing because after all, it’s true events that we are writing about and if the reader doesn’t feel they can relate with anything you wrote, then you’re doing something wrong. In your case, most of your piece was relatable, at least to me, and I felt like you were being sincere. The story definitely hit its climax when you set up the scene in which you’re talking on the phone with your friend Natalie.
    I really liked the way you set up the scene in which your friend Natalie calls you and gives you the bad news. Both before and after the dialogue with Natalie, you give great description and true emotion to the piece. I would’ve liked to have seen more of that in other parts of your piece. For example, the part right after when you meet with Carlos, think about maybe extending that scene and including more detail. I feel like you did a lot of telling and not enough showing. Give that moment more attention because it’s a scene that could strike emotions in people which is what you want. Describe the setting and characterize Carlos and your other friends more. This will make that scene come alive and we’ll feel like we’re living that moment rather than just knowing about it. Aside from that I think as a first draft, you have a solid foundation.

    Reply
  3. Henry Bucket

    Thanks for sharing this story. Like Amilka said, I thought that it was going somewhere totally different from where it wound up. I think because of the way you wrote this, it helps give the reader a little more insight into the shock that you must have had. The beginning could probably be slimmed down a little bit, but its well written and I don’t know about the others, but I was moved by it. I think that the whole college experience and hanging out with your friends, as well as seeing the changes in old friends was very easy to relate to; and that helped draw me in while I was reading this. Did this all happen in 2009?, or was this over the span of a year or more?

    Reply
  4. Sergio Narine

    I found this story intriguing because it revealed an important moment in the writer’s life where they begin to learn how fragile life is. The story began as a normal story about a young adult who begins to experience life after they enter college, but then takes a tragic turn when her friend, Greg gets killed in a car accident, which was unexpected for the reader. I appreciated how the writer developed Nate and Natalie’s characters in the lines, “Natalie had developed a high tolerance for drinking and Nate became the campus pharmacist.” These lines introduced the personalities of these characters very vividly to the reader; however, I felt that Greg’s character was not developed properly. And so his death was not as impactful to the reader when it appeared in paragraph eight.
    There were moments in the story where the writer was saying too much instead of describing what happened. For example, in “Sounds that were so clear moments before suddenly faded out and all I could hear was the thump of my heart blocking out Natalie’s voice.” Here I think the narrator did not need to include this line because death because the line previous line about her dog bowl being empty could be symbolic of her emotional state and also it allows the reader to imagine how the main character reacted to the news. Also, I think the ending would be more impactful if the main character did not tell us how she felt, but instead included a scene of her doing an activity that expressed her appreciation of life. For example, maybe she calls her mother after she has a moment to herself to find out how she was doing or something along the lines of that.

    Reply
  5. Josie

    I would like you to expand more upon what you will be afraid of in life. I related to the feeling of not doing enough while you are still young. I enjoyed being reminded of the thrills of my early college years. I would like to learn more of your relationship with your parents. A better understanding of why you chose a college so far away would be good. I really felt the needed change brought about in you by the death of your friend.

    Reply
  6. Alicia Camano

    I enjoyed your piece of a memoir, readers can relate to this. I enjoy the background information of your life before the tragedy as well as the details about your friends and their change throughout college. I enjoyed the momentum you built to describe the moment your friend called you to inform you about what happened. I would have liked to know a little bit more about Greg, and how important he was in your life. Other than that I enjoyed the story.

    Reply
  7. Kerel Cain

    This is a very emotional story that details the mindset of an adolescent growing into the mindset of an adult. The reflective aspect of this story shows the introspection that you have about your teenage optimize for college and falling into the trap of enjoying yourself more than your studies. Personally i identify with this journey and hindsight perspective; however i didn’t have the tragedy that you suffered to turn my immaturity into maturity. The way that you write about the change in your friends after experiencing the first year of college can be identified with anyone that goes to college. The most interesting part i found is that you all reunited still as friends even though the college experience had changed you all into different people than you were when you first embarked on your college journey. i wanted to see more about how these changes effected your relationships and whether you guys became more distance but i realize that this story is limited to a short period of time. This piece of criticism is personal criticism that reads more like a memoir. i assume its meant to teach a lesson to people in your position (or about to be in your position) about the finding maturity before maturity finds you. without being preachy or stating a out right what people should take away from the story you were able to convey your message to your reader. your writing follows the writing motto: “Show don’t tell”, this style combined with the tone elevates this piece to great introspective criticism, while providing critical commentary on the immaturity of young college students.

    Reply
  8. Deviniti Donnabella

    This piece was really touching in the since that the narrator’s voice caused readers to empathize with how the narrator felt about her first year of college, and the sense of not being aware of the privileges that she later learned to appreciate. When I began to read this piece, I didn’t understand the connection of fear to lost and appreciation until later on when I learned of Greg’s passing away and the revisitation of those themes toward the end of the piece. It would help to go further in depth about fear in the context of losing something or appreciating something perhaps by using examples from outside sources. There was a great use of vivid imagery and emotion to show the connection the narrator had with her high school friends. By doing this, there is a greater impact on the reader when we learn of Greg’s passing.

    Another thing that was a bit unclear to me was the birthday party transition in the 6th paragraph. You began to discuss your parents’ disappointment with your academic performance, and how you basically didn’t value your education at the moment. Then you say that you were only worried about getting a dress and shoes for your friend’s birthday party. It seems like that statement was an example of you saying “school wasn’t a top priority, all I cared about was partying.” I didn’t know right away that you meant that you had an actual party to go to when you came home from school until I read the next paragraph. It would help to probably readjust those lines to make it clear to readers right away that there was an actual birthday party event around that time that you were excited to attend. Perhaps this was clear to other readers, maybe I just misunderstood.

    Toward the end of the piece, it was a great how you reiterated the concept of fear to lost and appreciation. It wasn’t until the end of the piece that I understood how they all related.

    Great piece!

    Reply
  9. Orhan Gokkaya

    I really enjoyed your piece as it made me think about my own life. “18 with no jobs, no form of income” really hits me because I can relate to those days. The story made me think about the people I care for and also what will about after death. My suggestion is that you should focus more on Greg’s accident and give details. Incidents like this always make me melancholy which is why starting tomorrow I will act differently for my loved ones. The story motivated me to become a person who doesn’t take advantage of people. This piece also brought my closer to my religion, after no one knows what happens after death. I am sorry for your loss. I also feel like the “days of our lives” is something I look toward to in the future and not in my college years. You can describe more about Greg’s death in the form of a dialogue as well.

    Reply
  10. Stephanie Chambers

    I though this piece was very descriptive. The way you described that last carefree summer with your friends before everyone went away to college was great because it is something many of us can relate to and it allows us to connect to the story. Your language allowed me understand how you felt a little out of it at Morrisville, how your parents felt towards your piercings,and your reaction to the unfortunate phone call. While reading, I got a little confused with the birthday party scene and the frequent mentions of Greg’s name throughout the story. It was not until the end that I saw how everything tied together. I enjoyed reading this but thought there should have been a little more background information on Greg’s character and your friendship with him. Sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  11. Ruket Negasi

    First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss. I liked your piece, however I do agree with Daniel Song. The part of you now being appreciative to what is given to you in life should be the central part of your story. The story picks up alot at the end, perhaps disregard some of the parts in the beginning of the story.

    Reply
  12. Vanessa Chen

    I suggest developing the introduction more. Right now, it sounds very vague to me. You need a stronger argument. One can even argue that adolescents are more carefree because they understand the impermanence of things better than adults and thus can enjoy them as fully as possible while adults attempt to only distance themselves. You have taken child psychology, as I understand from this piece, so you have learned about Piaget’s stages of cognitive development. Playing peek-a-boo with a child works with them because even such a simple gesture causes them to feel a sense of loss; that is why some children break out crying when you hide your eyes. Also, fear is not always born out of awareness; sometimes people are not sure why they feel afraid, but simply do—it is not always clear and reasonable. This is why I feel that you should be more specific about your introduction. Also elaborate on what you mean by appreciation (appreciation of what exactly?).
    Break up long sentences to let the impact of the first part sink in better. An example is a sentence in the second that reads, “For the summer of 2009, we’d spent almost every weekend over each other’s houses dancing and drinking Devil’s Spring because at 18 with no jobs, no form of income and no appreciation of our livers, it was the cheapest, most appropriate way of ensuring a good time.” You have a good sentence there with a lot of content, so I would take out because and put a period there to break this up into two sentences. About “going deaf,”it confused me the first time reading it because I thought you had actually gone deaf, but then I realized that you were talking about it figuratively; the particular experience was not that simple so don’t describe it in such a stark and simple way—you have an opportunity here to describe everything fading out around you, and etc. Use the opportunity; this is a great detail.
    By the end, I can’t connect with the feelings that you went through because a lot of it was summary; you didn’t give us any scene. I definitely feel this piece could be very good if you expand it and add scene. Help us feel the same that you felt. Also, be careful about what your focus is. It sounds like it’s about lacking an appreciation of youth; make sure that every sentence ultimately serves this purpose.

    Reply
  13. David Castro

    Although this is an interesting piece, it has a rushed feeling. It feels like this could of easily been a 10 page paper, but you summarize alot and briefly describe things. Your last paragraph is an example of this. It makes a great piece take an abrupt end, and gives the reader a cliche paragraph instead. Like the professor said you have alot you can do with this. You can talk about the loss of friendships vs the actually loss of a person.
    This approach makes the piece take on a whole new level of depth, rather than the ” you dont what you have until its gone” thing we’ve seen countless times before.

    otherwise, you create and excellent scene, and i can very easily related to this. i went to a suny school expecting different from what i got, and came back to the city after a semester.

    Reply
  14. Julianne Reynoso

    I thought you did a fabulous job at catching everyone off guard with your story. As it was mentioned in class, the expectation of the thing lost was assumed to be less literal than what we read. Your story goes deeper than your title would suggest and it must be a difficult subject to write about, let alone revise with the detailed descriptions much of the class has suggested. But I would have to agree with them that those details are needed to improve your piece. In the beginning, we don’t necessarily care about your friends as they are not even named, and towards the end we just get a glimpse of the aftermath when you briefly describe the mourning parents. Many classmates mentioned that we are estranged from Greg and I agree. I think that adding more about him in the beginning and the end, you could better show us what he meant to you and increase the readers’ sympathy to his passing.

    Reply
  15. Joan Infante

    I very much enjoyed this piece and felt a connection with the topic. I too have lost a loved one too soon and this hits close to home.

    The introduction was great with your own interpretation of what fear is and the illusion that it gives us when we are young.

    The scenario of when you received the phone call was detailed and consistent.

    The fact that you mentioned your friends but not gave a little more insight on them made them look one dimensional. Adding a little more to them would surely make the reader feel more empathy in the situation.

    P.S. The Bang Bus is funny to me lol

    Reply
  16. Krystal Temple

    This piece seemed to be outlining a coming of age story, where the author describes memories of her teenage years. She describes how she formed bonds with other teenagers, and how she was not the most responsible teenager. I like the point of recognition the author has when she realizes that her friends life has been cut short.

    I wanted to get to know Greg a little more, and understand more of the dynamic of the main character and Greg’s friendship. Also, during these lines:

    “The passing of Greg and his cousin impacted many in multiple ways, myself included and for the first time I knew what fear was. I became fearful of the not appreciating my youth, not because of aging but not being blessed to age. I became fearful of not being appreciative of the opportunities…”

    you seem a little removed from Greg’s passing. I think this a way that you are responding to the grief of your friend, however the reader needs to get inside of your brain to empathize with you for your loss.

    Also, I loved your introduction of Greg’s death because it was totally unexpected.

    Reply
  17. Nadya Antoine

    As a reader, I really enjoyed the way this piece connected with almost all of the human race. No one really realizes how precious life really is until it “hits home”. This piece was quite moving not only in storyline but in diction and language. The title is also very soothing in that is displays innocence.
    My only suggestions would be towards the middle, you might want to edit some sentences a bit. ” My first call was to Natalie and like many conversations I had had with her before she prepared me for what was to come as if everything she always had to inform me of was an epic climax of some sort of suspenseful movie. ” This one in particular is packed with crucial information but is in need of some grammatical corrections.

    Otherwise, great piece.

    Reply
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