I am in love with love. One of my favorite people that I am in love with is John F. Kennedy Jr. I saw him once at Grand Central Station. It was the rededication. He spoke about his Mother. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. That was October 1998. Just nine and a half months before his death. I feel closer to him in death. I look forward to being with him someday. The weekend that he got married his spirit came to me to try and stop it. I wish I had. Like Prince William, I did not like John’s wife.
Another person that I am in love with is my husband, Francois. We divorced after ten years, but we have now been together for twenty-two years. He is French. He is a doctor in his third year of residency in New Jersey. We met in June 1991 in Los Angeles. We married less than two weeks later in Las Vegas. We lived for a short while near Paris, France. Then we settled in NYC. I hope to be with him forever. I hope to be with him in heaven someday.
Someone else I love is my Mother. She does customer service for The Metropolitan Opera. She’s also worked at NYU. She worked for Chase Manhattan Bank for over twenty years. My Mother has a heart condition. She also has high blood pressure and other health problems. I wish that she would take better care of herself.
I also love my Father. He is a Black Jack dealer in Las Vegas. He moved there when my parents divorced when I was four. He has been married five times. His current wife is forty years younger than he is.
I suffer from depression. I get a shot every two weeks. In August of 1997, I attempted suicide. My loved ones keep me happy. I dream of them. I pay close attention to my dreams. I hear voices. I feel that my loved ones can speak to me from a far. With John, my dreams and his voice are all I have. I have smoked pot. It makes me feel good. I think that it should be legal. I have been in the hospital for depression many times. I have been out of the hospital for almost five years now. When I smoke, I feel as if my loved ones are making love to me. One at a time. My husband does not want me to smoke. Neither does my Mother. It is the biggest difference I have with them.
I keep a journal. Mostly I write about my dreams. I am also in love with Prince William and Prince Harry. John is the best-looking of them all. His only serious girlfriend besides his wife was Daryl Hannah. Most of my loved ones give a lot to charity. In his day, John was the most famous man in the world. People magazine named him the sexiest man alive and had him on their cover.
I have not done as much with my life as my loved ones have. I probably will be better known for who I am married to than for what I have done. John is not remembered in his Father’s library as an adult. I think that that is a shame. John’s Father was the President of The USA. He was killed. John died in a plane crash. He was piloting the plane. His wife and her sister died with him. This November 22nd will be fifty years since his Father was killed. He is remembered by most. I hope that John is not forgotten. There are YouTube videos about him. There are also videos about William and Harry. It is harder to remember John since he is dead. William and Harry are always in the news. I can’t choose just one person to be in love with. I wish that I could. I fall in love easily. But I am very picky. The man has to be almost perfect.
I wish that I could meet someone new. But I am forty-five now so it is hard. I make noises and my jaw opens and closes on it’s own. I feel that I am possessed. I wish that whatever it was would leave me alone. It began after I wrote to William and Harry comments in the British papers that they should leave their girlfriends. It worked. Except William got back with his girlfriend. When he broke up with his girlfriend I was in tears, I was so happy. Since then I send emails to William and Harry. One birthday it was online in a British paper that I follow William and Harry.
I am so glad that William has left the military. I wish that Harry would too. I worry about my loved ones. My husband is very patient with me. He knows about my other passions. I feel that my dreams are an extension of my life. I am happiest when I am loving someone. John died tragically young. He was only thirty-eight. He had a lot of living left to do. John had a magazine. I read it every month. I was addicted to his magazine. I started reading it on like the sixth issue. When John died, I ended up in the hospital. It was my doctor that told me when they had found their bodies. Even after all these years, it is hard to recover from. The day after John died my husband went to a concert. I asked him not to, but he went.
I miss John so very much. I think that he could have been President. I would have loved to be his first lady. John is kind of shy. He does not talk to me as much as I would like. I think he could just let some other man walk away with me. I have like one friend I talk to. I also have a younger half-brother and three half-sisters. Two older and one younger. But I am really only in touch with my two older half-sisters. I am on social media. I am on Twitter everyday. My loved ones keep me company in spirit. Until my husband comes back, I am alone. I live for my classes, my writing. I love City College. I love being a student. My greatest loves are away.