I would consider myself a prune because I would always organize everything in my life. I would never do anything that was not on my list or in my planner. My friends and family would ask me to do things but I will always say no. My friends would ask me randomly if I would like to go out with them to dinner or something that they planned spontaneously. That day was no exception to them. It was December 15
My response would always be the same. “I can’t I have home work to do tonight.”
Melissa, My best friend: “ alicia come on its only one day.”
Me: “Melissa you know I can’t, I planned to read the Five chapters of Dorian
grey for hw”
Melissa: “just move things in your schedule”
Me: “I cant, I am sorry”
Melissa: “okay, bye”
This would be one of the many incidents that happened with my friends and Elizur, my Fiancé, was no exception. He called me not long after. I was frustrated because people didn’t understand my predicament. If something was to be moved from my schedule to another day I would have an overload of homework.
Me: “I have homework, tonight”
Elizur: “you always have homework, you can’t just do it another day”
Me: “ely you know that I can’t do it, if I do I will have too much homework. I
am not like you that does not get a lot of homework”
Elizur: “you can’t make an exception with me. Lets go out to dinner, or out
clubbing.”
Me: “no means no, if you want I can check my schedule and make some time
for you.”
Elizur: “I hate when you do that. You are always planning things.”
Me: “I can’t help it. I have room for you next week on Saturday.”
This would be our typical argument. Especially the topic of the future, he would ask me when would we get married or when would we have children or move in together. I am not afraid of commitment I just have to be prepared ahead of time. I don’t like surprises.
Elizur: “ when should we set the date? To send out the save the date.”
Me: “ ely setting the date now is too early.”
Elizur: “if its too early to do that, tell me when would you like to get
married?”
Me: “ maybe 2015”
Ely: “ that is too far from now”
Me: “it will be enough time to plan, okay.”
Elizur: “I thought being together for six years would be enough time. What about having children?”
Me: “ely I have told you many times, I am not ready”
Elizur: “ali no one is ready to have children, people take it as it comes.”
Me: “no means no, I am busy. Bye.”
Those were the conversation I would usually have with people. My mentality would not change; I would not allow anyone to change my schedule. I like to have a routine, to be consistent. I would consider myself a prune because I would never make any exceptions in my schedule, I would constantly plan something in order not to have any surprises. I always had a plan. Until later that day Nancy, my sister, called me. She called me on December 15, 2012 at 8:00pm. I remember the exact moment because that is the time I turn on the tv to watch the big bang theory.
Nancy: “hey alicia, what are you doing?”
Me: “ just turned on the tv, watching the big bang theory. What about you?”
Nancy: “ I wanted to ask you, what are you going to do tomorrow?”
Me: “why”
Nancy: “for no reason just asking.”
Me: “Nancy there is a reason for every question, if there was no reason you
wouldn’t be asking a question in the first place.”
Nancy: “ come on, just tell me do you work tomorrow?”
Me:” yeah I do. Why?”
Nancy: “okay, forget it bye”
I was confused as to why she would call me to ask me a question and then hung up the phone. In that moment my mother called me.
Me: “ hello, mom what’s going on why did Nancy call me like that and just
hung up on me.”
Mom: “Alicia she didn’t want to bother you, but it’s time”
I was surprised of the news my mother had told me. While I was getting ready to go pick up my sister to take her to the hospital, I was overwhelmed with feelings. Deep inside of me I didn’t want to go. I kept thinking this was not plan. I have a set schedule. I had to drag myself in to doing something I was not used to. I felt my body shaking while I was getting dressed. I felt as if I was out of breath. I felt that way on my way to pick her up and on the way to the hospital. At the same time I felt uncomfortable because what I was experiencing at that moment was not normal to me. I felt as if I was in a movie theater watching a movie, everything was moving too fast.
Who would have imagined that labor could last 12 hours? I heard about it, but never thought I would actually experience that. The entire time I was with Nancy and Rafa, her boyfriend, I kept looking at the time. The time on the big round clock on the white wall, time moved so slow. I grew impatient to find out what the baby would be. But the baby was not ready to be greeted. I kept looking at that clock every moment to know the time.
Until it was morning at 9:00am I was impatient, tired, and frustrated because I stood awake the whole night waiting to greet the baby. I was frustrated because I had to leave by 9:40am to go to work. I tend to plan any moment in my life, this moment was something I did not have any control. I was sad because I was going to leave soon, not being there for Nancy to support her. The doctor came in the room, greeted everyone and walked towards Nancy to speak to her about the baby. The doctor look so calm, I wonder how can she do her job and still smile. Even though all the labors that she has experience that could last up to 12 hours or more and deal with the frustrating mothers. I admire the patience that she must have in order to deal with the screaming mothers in labor. She told my sister it was time that the baby had to be delivered now or she would have to start doing a c section. Something my sister did not want, she planned to have a natural labor. When I heard that the baby would come, I became overwhelmed with feelings because I would be there to see the baby.
The moment when the doctor told Nancy that she would have to breath in and push that way they baby could come out. I saw Nancy’s face, she looked exhausted and tired, but she looked determined. At first I believed I was strong enough to see my sister give birth until she started pushing and then I started to feel uncomfortable. And then pushed back to not see how the baby would be born. Until one of the nurses saw me and said where are you going? Just grab her leg and assist us. I did as the nurse asked and I tried not to look. But while I tried not to look I guess I was not holding her leg right because the nurse said “look at me and keep her leg in this place.” I moved the leg, but when I did I could not look away, but just look at my sister and when I did, that is when it happen. My sister was pushing and I saw the baby’s head come out and then the body. The labor that people see on television is nothing compared to a real life situation. I can admit I was traumatized, disgusted, and happy. The baby cried and was filled with mucus and blood. The time she was born was 9:29am. I was making sure I had the correct time. The nurse took the baby away to get her clean and ready. When the nurse was done she brought back the baby and gave the baby to Nancy she carried her for 10 min after that Rafa was holding the baby for 10 minutes. My turn came up; I was so scared because she was so small and vulnerable. I was holding her for one minute or less and then I felt in love. Not only that but I felt a warm feeling in my chest and then my legs. I was not sure what I was feeling, I then touched my legs and guess what? She greeted me by peeing on me. We all laugh that the baby peed on me! I was holding her for less than 5 minutes and then the nurse said it was time for them to take her away to get a checkup and shots. I was saddened because I wanted to keep holding her. While I was carrying her I was filled with emotions I never felt before. I felt in love, I wanted to be with her and protect her. At that moment I check the time and I had to leave to go to work, I was late.
The time I left was 10:00am I said bye to everyone and left. At that moment on the ride to work I thought about what had happened earlier. I was tired and happy. When I was holding the baby I was filled with beautiful emotions. I wanted to stay with her. I now understand why my sister decided to keep such a precious gift. She was willing to accept the baby without a plan, something opposite from my mentality. She was willing to accept what came to her in life. This is when I stop trying to plan every single moment in my life. Because of her, I now make exceptions.
I really enjoyed your title. At first I thought it must of been a hint to some kind of militant political struggle. Like “It’s time people! ” Finding out it was about a cute little baby makes me much happier.
Your dialog is too clunky. You don’t have to put the speaker’s name before every sentence of dialog. Just write like this:
“Hi Nancy” I said.
“Hey Alicia” she replied.
“How are you?”
“I’m preggo and about to pop out a baby!”
Once you identify who the speakers are, the reader could follow the conversation using the placements of the quotes and the context if what each character is saying.
The character development of the narrator was enjoyable, the end lesson about letting loose and being spontaneous is believable especially since it took such an monumental moment in someone’s life, child birth, to cause the narrator to change her out look on life. It is believable and I liked the reading the evolution of Alicia using the prudenes of sticking to plans as a topic
I really enjoyed your piece. In particular, the title proves to be the great connector
between your thoughts on “organizing your time” juxtaposed with the fact that a baby is not something that can be rescheduled.
I’m a little confused on the prune references throughout the piece. If this is a significant
metaphor, you should think to elaborate further. The fact that you included dialogues in your piece
is great but I think many people find themselves preoccupied when a friend or fiancé calls to spend time.
What makes you such an unique individual when it comes to organizing your time?
That being said, maybe you could mention another instance where your organization and need for order took precedent in your life (rather than only mentioning people calling).
The mention of your fiancé is a crucial part of the piece because it is astonishing that you answered his many questions the way you did. This theme could be a great connector straight into the pregnancy of your sister. Both events are things that other people might try to make time for. Because you didn’t, it distinguishes you as the ultimate time-keeping, organized individual. Maybe a transitioning statement or word?
The ending seemed a bit abrupt (taking into the consideration the length you spent describing the call from your sister). Maybe more feelings to why the baby made you stop trying to plan every single moment in your life? Is it because you can’t plan birth? Your sister needed you at the time? Whatever the reason, tell us!
Otherwise, great piece.
I really enjoyed this piece because the suspense and pace of the story because it illustrates how meticulous the author is about her own life. I found that the central theme was introduced to the reader clearly, which produced a catharsis effect because of the traditional features of a story: rising action, conflict, and resolution. The voice of the narrator is meticulous because the entire essay is organized into a format that seems a bit forced because of the seriousness of the narrator. The narrator is revealed to the reader by her communication with other characters in the story. For example, she is invited by her friends to hang out, but she declines their offer, which suggest that she is either extremely ambitious about her career or that she is borderline OCD.
I appreciated how the story used specific hints to alert the reader that something life changing was going to occur with the main character. I also enjoyed how the main character was married because it shows that this character wasn’t always this organized. I would suggest that the narrator show the reader more moments between her and her fiance. For example, a scene where the main character and the fiance go out to dinner, and then she tells him it is late and she has to do homework would portray how serious Alicia feels about planning out events in her life.
From the moment I read your title, I was excited about this piece. I guess it’s just thrilling whenever “It’s Time!” for anything. From reading your opening paragraph, I would have never thought the piece was going to be about your sister giving birth. The way you set up the story made for a much more dramatic climax. The repetitiveness of how much of a prune you are along with emphasizing that you never change your plans led me to believe that what was about to happen was something bad; Perhaps a car accident or a death in the family. I think that the way to fix this is to include more detail of the relationship between you and your sister so that the reader can infer that whatever comes next in the story will most likely be about your sister and you. Try and gear the dialogue given in the piece to exemplify something positive so that the reader doesn’t assume the worst. I’m sure you probably wrote your piece this way in order to build suspense, but the transition needs to be a little let rigid. I had no idea why your sister was being rushed to the hospital because there was no previous mention or at least hint of her pregnancy. If you don’t want to give that away, at least write something in the opening paragraph that alludes that your sister is in a delicate state, something along those lines so that the reader isn’t blindsided.
There were a couple of confusing sentences in your piece, but those can easily be fixed. For example, when your wrote, “The moment when the doctor told Nancy that she would have to breath in and push that way they baby could come out.” You might want to think about rephrasing that to something more like “The doctor told Nancy that she would have to push hard and breathe so the baby could come out.” There are other instances of awkward sentences throughout your piece that you might want to consider editing. Those are quick fixes. Otherwise, I felt you story was sweet and you could definitely see the narrator evolve into a different person because of the experience she went through that was described in this piece. I really enjoyed your honest opinion about what your thoughts were when your sister finally pushed out the baby. “I can admit I was traumatized, disgusted, and happy.” This sentence authenticates the experience because it shows raw emotion and feelings. Overall, good job.
I love the idea of you being a prune. I think it’s such a great image. I enjoyed reading this story because it’s always great when unexpected moments or key events in others’ lives change your own so dramatically. I like that you kept referring to yourself as orderly and I felt your anxiety and impatience throughout the piece. I would have liked for the dialogue to have been trimmed down because I don’t think it’s as crucial as the last few paragraphs. I wanted the description of your friend during labor to have been more detailed as I think that it’s the main focus of the story and is important because it’s when you have your epiphany.
Good story, great ending.
you do a good job at establishing your self as a “prune”, but mostly a planner that is turned off by unexpected events. this is a great story because of the change in mentality that you reach at the end. in most stories fiction or non-fiction it is the change of a person that people expect but mostly its the journey that leads to change. your journey was lived vicariously through your sister and seeing the joy one can receive through spontaneity.
choosing to use dialogue as oppose to strictly thoughts restrained the depths of your character and brought the characterization of yourself to light. the story didn’t needed reasoning behind your plan first attitude it was just a stubborn trait that effected your relationship. it was detrimental to your character because planning first is reasonable and responsible but displaying this trait through dialogue with spontaneous friends gave credence to your claim as being a prune.
writing about the experience of watching a baby be born was conveyed well. the struggle between expectancy and spontaneity for yourself was illustrated through your nieces birth and the revelation that some of life’s best joys come unexpected was a nice conclusion for the story of your transformation from a prune to a half-prune.
I like your title, I felt it easily suggested what your piece was going to be about. I wish you would have expanded on other occasions where you were on a time constraint as oppose to it just being between homework and whatever else. I liked the example you gave with your fiancee and you prioritizing your time but I didn’t feel like it did enough for your story. As the reader I would’ve liked to know a little bit more about your sister’s choice to keep her baby and even though it wasn’t planned as you stated in your last paragraph. I felt that that sentence was crucial to the lesson learned at the end but it wasn’t developed as much as it could have been. I thought you did well with the flow of your story and I really like how specific you were with times although certain sentences read a little funny. I liked the end but it seems a little rushed and I liked the idea of you making “exceptions” because it suggests that you’re still working on become more lenient. Be on the lookout for some typos and grammatical errors. Good story.
I really enjoyed reading this piece because it was very well written and the title goes with both your sister giving birth and you coming to the realization that it was time for you to change your strict habit of planning. Great piece
i get what you’re saying you like things on time on a schedule. this is clear maybe a little to clear, since you take to much time explaining this concept that it becomes redundant.
the conversation with nancy at first, and with your mother left me sort of confused and the transition between you explaining the whole routine thing to the pregnancy is very abrupt and doesn’t really have a flow.
also you’re so detailed in your information about your self the moment that should be important (the childs birth) is easy to look over. also there so much to describe here rather than just a couple lines.
so just a little more detail there and its a great story.
I would like to know more about the exceptions you now make. I would like to know more about your relationship with Melissa. I would like to know more about your relationship with your mother. I would like to know more about your relationship with your sister. I would like to know more about your relationship with your fiance.
I like the buildup of tension in your piece. You can add more scenes about you and your fiancé which will demonstrate more character detail. A few typos but it can be corrected easily. “I can admit I was traumatized, disgusted, and happy.” I like this sentence as well it shows pure emotions. I like the title, “it was time!” I automatically fell into your piece when I read it. It was a good attention grabber. I wanted more on your sister perspective on keeping the unexpected child.
By Prune, I figure you meant Prude. A prude is someone who shies away from sexual topics though, but somehow I still get the sense that you are saying that the narrator is a “stick in the mud.” Personally, I adore the idea of being so disciplined and rigid, even if I’m not the best at being those things. I do feel that there is an instance where the narrator is a hippocrate. She speaks about staying home watching TV over seeing her fiance, but that is actually neither a responsibility nor an obligation. I felt that scene represented that the narrator actually just didn’t want to go anywhere with anyone, even her own boyfriend, but I don’t know if that was the intent. It sort of changed the paper for me, in that the narrator was no longer a stick in the mud, but someone who just didn’t want to do things.
I really liked your title, it got me curious to what it was really time for. I think your piece is pretty good, however I think you spent too much time on dialogs that aren’t really bringing that much importance to the story, for instance the first one with Melissa and the fiancé, I would rather have seen that kind of dialogue between the narrator and Nancy. Because essentially it’s Nancy’s time to deliver. And having many dialogs in a story could be a good and bad thing. The good thing is that it helps the reader understand the relationship with people in their environment. The bad thing is that it tend to get “cluttery” and take away the intended message the narrator is trying to convey. Overall I think it’s a good piece.
Shit. I am neat-freak like you. I am a perfectionist like you. Yea, I have OCD. I might not plan everything out to the last detail like you but when it comes out, it has to come out like a baby from a vagina–in one complete package. But through trial and error, effort and demise, worth and sorrow, I too have learned that you can’t always be detail oriented. It’s just not how the way the world works. I think the author wrote this as a life lesson itself in the form of a blog. She wrote this so that readers will get the sense that everyone has to adapt or fail eventually.
I really enjoyed your piece. Just like you, I planned everything and would get really upset if my mother or friends planned something else. I agree with Li I believe that things come unexpectedly and teaches us a life lesson. As for me I like to know where i am going if someone arranged plans and sometimes i need to know ahead of time. Although now I know that I also have to make some priorities other than school and work and have “my time” and enjoy the world while I can. In what ways have your exceptions changed? What do you do now that is different from before?
I think you could have framed the dialogue better by providing us with the details of the scene, even if it’s only through text message, and the character names and their relationship to the narrator outside of a speech tag (you did this more with Elizur, but more background details would have been able to provide a better idea of why you chose to use such dialogue as examples). Some of it could have been told through the narrative; reevaluate the importance of each line used.
I think your focus on the anxiety of changing plans is a really good one, but you don’t stay in that exact moment in which your narrator first experienced the physical symptoms of the anxiety long enough, and by not doing that, you have taken away a substantial strong point for your story. Bring us into that moment with scene. What were your thoughts and feelings on your way to the hospital, upon getting there, and upon realizing what hour it was every time you checked the clock? There’s not enough introspection.
There are also opportunities for you to expand on such details already in your piece, like with this sentence: “When I heard that the baby would come, I became overwhelmed with feelings because I would be there to see the baby.” What feelings were these? What thoughts did you have? Were you excited to be an aunt, did you think of what gifts to shower the baby with? Were you able to momentarily forget about work and school and only look forward to seeing the baby (and maybe who the baby would look like)? Upon first hearing about the baby coming, were you afraid of being there to witness Nancy giving birth? All of this can be explored in this section.
Here is another example in which you tell us what feelings you were experiencing: “I can admit I was traumatized, disgusted, and happy.” But this is only telling and not introspection. Another way to think about it is, how did you feel about what you felt?
Also, I wasn’t sure what you meant by this sentence: “And then pushed back to not see how the baby would be born.” Who was the subject? What does “pushed back” mean?
I think you went into detail in certain areas and not others that were possibly more important as mentioned before, therefore, throwing off balance to the flow. The crux of what this piece was about, however, is a great one; the loss of control over your plans is something people would want to experience through reading. Good start. Keep going.
This was a very interesting piece about how the author, who is considered to be a very organized individual, deals with a spontaneous event. The dialogue between the characters had a lot of depth to it and showed us how others perceived the protagonist and not how she saw herself as. The character development could have been fleshed out a little bit more. I understand how a significant event, like a pregnancy, might make you want to put things into perspective; but a few examples as to what are the exceptions that she made.
PS: Dorian Grey is my favorite book of all time.
I enjoyed your piece, because it described a life changing moment for you. You learned to make exceptions into your schedule, because of the birth of your niece. It was a beautiful story .I wish you would have connected your fear of doing something new throughout the entire piece. In the beginning you have two telephone conversations – one with your friend and one with your boyfriend. They both establish the idea that you are afraid to do something new, however I believe that only the conversation with your boyfriend is necessary. I think in the beginning you can talk about the changes your sister was experiencing, and how you were fearful of them. Then when you have the conversation with your boyfriend about marriage and children, you can reiterate this fear. Finally at the end, when you come to the conclusion about making exceptions – I wanted to know about your relationship that you brought up in the beginning. Did you finally give in and set the date? I loved this piece, and wanted to know just a little more…!
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